Yea, i keep waking up in cold sweat, its awful, i really cannot help it, i toss and turn, i cannot sleep, and when i do finally fall asleep, i wake up breathless, completely drenched, a couple of hours later. Yea, i'm having terrible nightmares, rather a nightmare, singular and repetitive, and coming in increasing intensity. Yea, just one, just the mere though of it sends my conscious mind reeling, i can only imagine the damage dealt to my subconscious one every single night.
Yes, my friends, the NUS medical interview!, Oh my god, i have not realised just how desperate i am for this! Very Very desperate is a serious understatement. I really need it to happen. Every night i rehearse my lines for a non existent interview. I answer a barrage of questions posed by a imposing and faceless man. I feel so small in his presence. I try the comical ploy, it does not seem to be working so i try the sincere gambit, once again, i feel like i am drowning in my own incompetence.
Thats a feeling, i can totally relate to, its something that has surrounded me, rather engulfed and assimilated me since i was a little boy. The complete and absolute helplessness that i feel every night as i lay on my bed thinking, 'Oh lord, please set my life straight, please let it go back on the high road, please, please, please....' is almost like self soul mutilation. I have surrendered to a force that i believe that does not exist, basically banking my life on a concept of nothing.
I want this, no, i need this so bad that it hurts so so so much...
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