cold sweat...

Yea, i keep waking up in cold sweat, its awful, i really cannot help it, i toss and turn, i cannot sleep, and when i do finally fall asleep, i wake up breathless, completely drenched, a couple of hours later. Yea, i'm having terrible nightmares, rather a nightmare, singular and repetitive, and coming in increasing intensity. Yea, just one, just the mere though of it sends my conscious mind reeling, i can only imagine the damage dealt to my subconscious one every single night.

Yes, my friends, the NUS medical interview!, Oh my god, i have not realised just how desperate i am for this! Very Very desperate is a serious understatement. I really need it to happen. Every night i rehearse my lines for a non existent interview. I answer a barrage of questions posed by a imposing and faceless man. I feel so small in his presence. I try the comical ploy, it does not seem to be working so i try the sincere gambit, once again, i feel like i am drowning in my own incompetence.

Thats a feeling, i can totally relate to, its something that has surrounded me, rather engulfed and assimilated me since i was a little boy. The complete and absolute helplessness that i feel every night as i lay on my bed thinking, 'Oh lord, please set my life straight, please let it go back on the high road, please, please, please....' is almost like self soul mutilation. I have surrendered to a force that i believe that does not exist, basically banking my life on a concept of nothing.

I want this, no, i need this so bad that it hurts so so so much...

gd times gd times

Had a good weekend, it was very busy for a change. Friday, out with family for shopping cum dinner. We practically raided the Marks and Spencer showroom. Oh but before that, had my 4th driving lesson. I was half asleep! Lol, i couldn't keep the damn car on the road! I was constantly interrupted by my bald instructor, he was like trying to wrench the wheel away from me, and in my dazed mood, i was trying to do the same from him. On hind sight, i probably don't think its a very good idea to have such tussles when the car is moving at 40 km/h.

Anyway, Saturday, hmm, had a lunch cum movie outing. I went for the movie but narrowly missed the lunch. Btw, i think the concept of national treasure is extremely ridiculous, why do all the people with great treasure want to bury it in freakin' USA!? Of all the places! Haiz.. Oh oh, and after i got home, it turned out to be divya's b'day, so we were hauled off to ecp, without our consent. I mean it a an operation worthy of accolades from the likes of military generals. Flawlessly executed! I really really want to go ona blading escapade! like seriously, there i saw this bunch of people, looking so hot in their shiny blades, gliding along. Wahh! I want I want.

Sunday hmm, had a class gathering, after so so so long. Lunch at fish and co, Hmm, pretty filling stuff, thats what mattters i suppose, and it was gd to see alot of people like wei xiang, jeremy and the rest after so long, since i 'pretended' to leave the country. Pretty retarded, i think. anyway even with such high ranking officers like derrick and peh, we had trouble deciding on a place and navigating around.Went to play pool.i suck.

After which, went to have dinner at nydc at suntec, divya's official b'day party. Was pretty fun, despite it being so touchy feely...eeeuch!...Akaash was acting all weird, like really weird, probably due to the presence of a certain someone! lol, i'm more sure than ever loh!HAHAHA...
okok...i want to continue my story. Hey all the weird posts about gin and stuff, i'm just trying to refine my writing, so don't judge too harsh.